¡Loquacious! ¿Moi?

Loquacity—the quality of talking a great deal—is my middle name, so to speak, for I’ve been a talker all my life, and now at 77 I’m beginning to fear there’s no  hope for it except, of  course, the usual one, and by that I mean that my natural demise will do the trick as opposed to an abrupt and violent patricide, say. by a family member, overcome by my endless palaver and driven by despair therefrom to seek surcease therefrom via the family hatchet, which I  have, foolishly some say, kept handy all these  years, hanging on the wall in the garage nearest the door back into the house.

Usually they don’t come at me brandishing a hatchet or whirling a scimitar. No, usually my listeners just get up, mid sentence, and walk out of the room and into the kitchen where they join in any conversation already in progress amongst those who’ve abandoned me earlier in the evening. I pay it no mind; it only serves to renew and redouble my fervor as I continue on with any survivors.  In my own defense I do finally stop talking when the last listener bails out, i.e., I’m not totally without principles, i.e., some of my fellow manic depressives, when faced with this situation, have been known to feign madness or senility and to commence, without dropping a beat, simply mumbling to themselves. I, however, as I’ve implied, do follow a set of rules, or guidelines if  you will, and over the years, after much refinement, have come to realize how invaluable they are. I’m thinking I should make them available to the general public, or at the very least, to the RNC, as an aid to party members seeking reelection.

• Don’t be afraid to repeat  yourself.
• Do make an effort to breathe, but be quick about it lest a listener take advantage of the pause to    interrupt you.
• Avoid all eye contact with your listener(s), as that will only encourage them to butt-in.
• The ricocheting bullet can serve as a good metaphor for this.    Works equally well whether in your  prose or  your      conversations.
• Don’t be afraid to repeat  yourself.
• Ignore any MEGO reactions on the part of your listeners; counter them with a MEGO of your own.
• If your listener attempts to join in in your verbal stream, however briefly, ignore him/her and just keep
• Never lose sight of the fact that none of what you’re saying needs to make sense; don’t fret over that.
•Your only goal is to free as many words as possible from the fetters of unspoken thought, to fill the
air in the room like confetti from a canon.
• Your train of thought, if any, need not be continuous and is free to jump around—a lot, even.

According to the DSM V, bipolar disorder is often marked by excessive involvement with pleasurable activities, and chatting is right  up there near the top of my list of pleasurable activities, so that sort of explains, not that I feel compelled to explain myself necessarily, my penchant for palaver; one is comforted knowing where such things originate in one. No? Or why. It isn’t enough to just say that I have a bubbly disposition, for ‘bubbly’ doesn’t begin to convey the enormity of what some would call an affliction. To paraphrase Redd Foxx, such loquacity goes clear to the bone; some go so far as to suggest it borders on the pathological.  Who is this ‘some’ I keep referring to, and how is it they have so much to say on just about every and any topic? ‘Some’ ( cf. ‘others’) is a collective noun designating a small, outspoken group of people who surely must suffer from manic depression themselves—some never shut up!

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